I'll be the first to admit that, when I came to this charity, I did it strategically. I needed nonprofit under my belt if I wanted to move to the next income bracket eventually. I know. Heartless right?
What I didn't plan for was that I would fall in love with this place. I didn't plan on it tugging at my heart the way it does. I didn't plan on caring so much.
The first day I came in a recovered addict who is part of our rehabilitation program came in to my office and introduced himself. He's only 23 and has been through more than I could ever possibly wrap my head around. His arms are covered in scars. He has marks on his face where the drugs ruined his skin. He has difficulty focusing, paying attention, and slowing down... he showed every sign a broken person would. And yet, after he told me his name he looked me right in the eyes and said, "if there's anything I can do to be a blessing to you, please let me know." And then he walked away.
I stood there in my office doorway for a minute having been hit with an emotional and humbling ton of bricks. And then, very slowly, I closed my door, shut the blinds, sat down at my desk and cried like a small, disturbed child. What right did I have to be here?!??! Who was I to think I had this figured out?!?! I came in to the situation thinking I would be able to impart something to these people. Instead, a 23 year old addict just humbled me. Out of all of his suffering and dysfunctions and addictions and anger, he was the first person to step up and ask how HE could be a blessing to ME!
If only we all had so much love in our hearts.
My employment has continued on that trend since the first day. Most of the time I feel like The Grinch, watching my heart grow size after size after size. Most days I cry. Most days I thank God I have the opportunity to experience this kind of hope and joy and this kind of despair.
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